Losing It: Job, Baby, & Mind

I have always been extremely fortunate in life. I've been surrounded by loving people and always had more than I've needed.

I took a side step from my life as an artist 3 years ago when an opportunity presented itself to work for JPMorgan Chase Bank. I was making better money and still able to support my artistic habits by stock piling my closets, extra bedroom, office, attic, parents house , in-laws attic. . .with art supplies and half finished projects. I knew that it wasn't going to last with the crashing mortgage industry so wasn't too upset when I was laid off in June as the company was closing the office I was working in. In fact, I was thrilled because I was able to focus on my artwork again and found out that I WAS PREGNANT!

After years of surgeries for painful endometriosis our prayers had been answered. My husband and I were going to start a family of our own! I spent time reading about parenting, putting the finishing touches on the nursery, and making and collecting drawers of clothes and toys for him.

Everything was falling into place and I was about to reach my ultimate goal of mommyhood. In the 6th month of pregnancy my Dr. said he had a concern and sent me to a high risk clinic for a 2nd opinion. I cannot relate the shock and horror that came from the results. We lost the baby.

I have spent the last few months being depressed, angry, & full of self-pity. Talking to family and friends who had similar experiences didn't seem to make me feel any better. Several Dr's have prescribed anti-depressants which terrifies me. Anytime I take medicine it seems to cause 3 other problems so I never filled it. Didn't go to the prescribed therapy either. I went back to what calms me and soothes me the most. . . My artwork.

I have been able to raise my spirits through my own personal art therapy and producing projects that are truly from the heart. Yes, I still have many moody days & can't be around babies for more than a few minutes before I fall apart again but it will just take time.